Name a Black Hole after your (fre)enemies

Nothing sucks like a black hole, but some people come really close. Name a black hole after someone who really sucks and give them the recognition they deserve. The person's name will be registered with the International Black Hole Registry, and you'll receive an official certificate with the black hole name and location. And every time the person stares at night sky, it'll be a reminder that someone out there thinks they suck. 

Fantasy Football Loser

The shame of losing a fantasy sports league should never go away. Even making the loser get a tattoo only lasts a life time. A black hole will bring their family shame for generations.

Your Ex-Boss

According to a LinkedIn post we were thinking about writing, the Great Resignation has made this the best time in history to name a blackhole for a terrible boss. Just make sure you have the next job lined up first. 

Life Time Achievement

Quick note to Russian hackers: Taking out the International Black Hole Registry will not damage the American space program as much as you'd think it would.   

Animals

You feel like you've tried everything to change your pet's bad behavior, but have you tried to shame them by naming a black hole after them and posting it on the internet?
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Ok, here's another idea: Let's say you really screw up with your significant other. You could name a black hole after yourself as a way to acknowledge you screwed up and you're sorry. Just spit-balling here, but the message on the certificate could be something like "I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made. Blah, blah, blah. I love you to the moon and back," which ties in the whole outer space thing!

We don't know much about love, but we do know this is cheaper than flowers. 

* The International Black Hole Registry is not recognized by the scientific community, or if we are it is probably not in a good way. My mom says it's because I'm too handsome to be scientifically credible, and I think she's on to something. *